


just a part i portray

by dayevsphil



Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [13]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21781999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: Phil hates that Dan is doing all the work. Amnesia AU timestamp.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559110
Comments: 12
Kudos: 113





	just a part i portray

**Author's Note:**

> set between part one and part two of amnesia au, which you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449553) if you're not familiar with it! 
> 
> prompted by anon <3
> 
> read and reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/189649757328/just-a-part-i-portray)

There’s a lot about this new life that Phil doesn’t fully understand. The concept of millions of people watching the video he uploaded, for example, doesn’t feel real in the slightest. He looks at the views climbing and the comments pouring in and he doesn’t know how to wrap his head around any of it.

Understandably, Dan doesn’t let him do much in the way of actual work. He thinks that if Dan had his way, Phil wouldn’t have recorded anything at all and would have focused entirely on getting better. Phil isn’t sure that ‘better’ is possible, though, and he can’t just sit around all day every day. He has to _do_ something. Besides, he doesn’t like the idea of saddling Dan with all of their collective responsibilities at once.

“Let me help,” Phil finds himself saying a lot. Dan, hunched over his laptop with bags under his eyes, always refuses the offer.

It doesn’t take very long for Phil to get fed up with this pattern - he’s not exactly known for patience or relaxing, and he can’t sit still while he knows the world is discussing him. He wakes up before Dan one morning and, while brewing them some coffee, decides to set Dan’s laptop on the breakfast bar and see if there’s anything he can help with.

There’s a password. Of course there’s a password.

Phil hasn’t even had his first coffee yet, he doesn’t think he’s up for Sherlock Holmes-ing Dan’s password. He sighs and puts his fingers to the weirdly flat keys. He intends to shut it back down, but Phil’s fingers have other ideas.

It’s muscle memory or something. Phil doesn’t even know what he types, but when he presses enter, Dan’s desktop wallpaper loads up easily.

“Alright, cool,” Phil mutters to himself. He’s glad that Dan’s laptop seems organized, because he can’t imagine how he’d deal with chaos this early in the morning. All of the icons look slightly different than what Phil is used to and the trackpad is frankly tiny, but it isn’t any more of a challenge than figuring out the TV had been.

He sees a thumbnail that looks like it’s editing software and feels his fingers twitch again. God, he misses that. He’d let Dan edit and upload the explanatory video, but he’s wondering now if Dan will show him the ropes so he can do it himself next time.

Phil clicks on the emails instead. He remembers Dan standing in their kitchen, moments before the soft morning came crashing down on them, and saying, _if you’re feeling good enough to joke, you’re feeling good enough to go through emails_. He figures that this is the absolute least he can do. Most of them don’t seem like things Phil can help with, not without knowing far more about their lives than he does right now, but he doesn’t give up. He sips his coffee and hides yawns behind his hand as he searches for something, anything, that he can take off Dan’s shoulders to prove that he can _do_ this.

Then he sees a few in succession from IRL Merch, which sounds familiar enough that he clicks on it. Right, yes. The company he and Dan apparently run with Martyn’s help. It feels ridiculous to Phil that it’s a real thing, and not just Martyn selling t-shirts at a concert while Phil keeps an eye out for security.

Phil is still tired, so the contents of the email go completely over his head on the first read-through. He forces himself to focus.

They’re asking for Dan’s approval on designs and working out some kind of timeline. It takes Phil a minute to realise that, first of all, the designs aren’t Dan’s merch at all and, secondly, that the timeline is even in question because of Phil’s whole incident. Phil feels his mouth twist into a frown before he can even process what he’s looking at. The timeline - okay, he’ll leave that one to Dan, he genuinely has no idea how long any of this takes, but… he can do this.

The keys still feel weird under Phil’s fingers, but he types out a careful response on the designs, doing his level best to sound professional. He signs it off with his own name, because he’s got no reason to pretend otherwise. He wants people to know that he’s okay, that he doesn’t need to be kept in a bubble. He can work, he wants to work.

It’s a strangely serious feeling to be having so early in the morning over some socks that are apparently going to be his. Phil closes the laptop and finishes his coffee before it overwhelms him.

One email. It isn’t much, but it’s a start.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to chicken and cat for the vibe check as always!!


End file.
